Saturday, December 29, 2012

TRAILER ROUND-UP: HERD 94




Steve Carell is "The Incredible Burt Wonderstone," a world famous magician. Alongside Steve Buscemi's Anton Marvelton the two are a renowned duo of illusionists complete with sparkly costumes (think David Copperfields by way of Siegfried & Roy). All's well in Bedford Falls until a David Blaine-like street magician garners the media spotlight and steals their thunder, he is played by Jim Carrey. The strength and comedic power of these three alone seems worth the price of admission, but throw in Olivia Wilde as a magician assistant, James Gandolfini as an agent and Alan Arkin as the aged magician who inspired Burt in his youth. You've got a helluva cast, concept and you can guarantee the weekend box office is in the bag for this one come March 15th.



"Turbo" is the next film coming down the Dreamworks Animation pipe. A whole slew of popular voice talent (from Snoop Dogg to Richard Jenkins) is onboard for this story of a garden snail who wants to be fast. How fast? He dreams of winning the Indy 500! I'd like to think it's more than just "A Bug's Life" meets "Cars." I'd also like to think it's going to have more than the go-to struggle of somebody who wants to do/be something they inherently are not. July 19th, 2013. We'll know more when we get something more than just this teaser.



"Drift"  is not just another surfer movie, it's another surfer movie based on a true story. This time we're set in Australia in the '70s and follow the exploits of two brothers played by Sam Worthington and Xavier Samuel. The trailer has as much content away from the waves as in them, but you'd better believe it has "the big one" rolling in at the end. No U.S. release date as of yet. Do you even care?



Billy Crystal and Bette Milder star in "Parental Guidance," where the grandparents need to home-sit and babysit while their grandchildren's parents go out of town. I've seen my folks go through such a scenario and it can be stressful for those involved, but fun for those on the sidelines. That said, this film does not look like much fun. Predictable, forgettable and in theaters for not much longer.




Eli Roth produces and stars in "Aftershock," a disaster/horror film wherein he plays an American who picked the wrong weekend to visit Chile. After an earthquake strikes, it's survival of the fittest as the number of survivors dwindle due to the psychopaths on the surface. This doesn't look promising and will get a meager theatrical release if any next year.

Clean yer porch with a stallion tail, I reckon it's prime time for the Trailer Round-Up Awards!


SICK COW


Remember how I mourned "A Haunted House" last week? Well, now it has an equally deplorable competitor in "Scary Movie 5." It also poorly spoofs the "Paranormal Activity" films, often going for the lowest (common denominator) laughs imaginable. When in doubt, hit 'em in the crotch! ("Parental Guidance" resorts to this as well...) "Inception" and "Black Swan" also get referenced. This isn't just stupid, it's sad: Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan play themselves and become the the butt-end of jokes about themselves. Maybe the worst thing I can say about "Scary Movie 5" is I'd rather watch "A Haunted House." I cannot believe I believe that...


QUEER STEER

Ed Harris plays the captain of a Soviet submarine in "Phantom," though he does not know the extent of his mission. The subject matter intertests few I'd wager and this trailer does not do it any favors. Despite some of the talent in front of the camera this comes off looking like a TV movie, which writer/director Todd Robinson has largely worked with in the past. Some realistic (to my oblivious senses) sets are meshed with elementary visual effects. I cannot believe this one is hitting theaters on March 1st. Methinks it will not do so well.


LASSO OF THE WEEK

"The Place Beyond the Pines" stars Ryan Gosling as a motorcycle stunt driver by night and a bank robber, making two-wheeled getaways, by day. Jeremy Cooper plays the dedicated police officer on his tail. The film circulates both men and their wives, it's as much a drama as it is a crime film. It looks to be far more interesting than a black-and-white tale of cops and robbers, Gosling appears to be our protagonist. There are some striking similarities to last year's masterwork, "Drive." Derek Cianfrance ("Blue Valentine") directs. "The Place Beyond the Pines" can be found in select theaters on March 29th, 2013.

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