Friday, December 21, 2012


Here we go again, it's time for another trailer of "G.I. Joe Retaliation," this time with 3D in the mix, which is why the studio claims it was delayed a year. We should have seen this movie by now, but they chose to post convert. This is mostly stuff we've already seen in previous trailers, but we get the President of the United States taking a jab at North Korea and then watch a city crumble (that must have taken a team of visual effects wizards a month to do). The action is still looking rather fun even if the plot seems rather dumb. We'll see if this actually comes out on March 29th.

"On the Road" was in competition at Cannes but is only now getting a limited release here in the States. Based on the 1957 novel by Jack Kerouac this is the story of a young writer (Sam Riley) road-tripping through Post-War America. He meets many people on his travels and so there are many names, some more well-known than others, in this ensemble mix. This is helmed by Brazilian Walter Salles who previously directed "The Motorcycle Diaries," a film I haven't seen but appears similar in themes and subject matter. 

It's "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" meets "Visitors" in "The Host." Aliens have possessed the bodies of mankind, you can tell them from their bright eyes. One girl's soul seems to withstand the infection and sets out on a quest to free the human race. "The Host" is written/directed by Andrew Niccol. We've seen how great films can be when Niccol writes them ("The Truman Show") and how great they could have been when he directs them ("In Time"). Stephanie Meyer ("Twilight") is responsible for the source material, so of course there's a love story involved. March 29th, 2013.

"I Give It a Year" follows newlyweds during their first year of marriage, antics ensue and a heavy amount of British humour is in the air. I found it both parts off-putting and rather amusing. As of yet there is no slated U.S. release date.

I had to watch the trailer for "The Underwater Realm" after The Filmschool Rejects said it's an indie film that looks like a blockbuster. Really? No, not really. In fact, some parts are laughably bad. The actresses' horrified facial reaction only to be smacked on this side of the head is poor acting and worse action. I have no idea what is going on here either... Mermaids, fighter pilots, extras from "The Hunt for Gollum"? Those gripes aside it has some memorable visuals (including a lot going on underwater, which cannot be easy). This was apparently a Kickstarter project and the film will be released for free on YouTube come Christmas Day. I just may check it out, but don't buy the hype.

Mark Wahlberg and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson star in "Pain & Gain." I think these two are fine actors when given the right material, not sure if this falls under that category though. Two bodybuilders get involved with some less than legal activities  Buff boys and hot girls in Miami, with a heavy dose of adrenaline drenched violence and just a touch of Tony Shaloub are the protein for this shake-up. Did I mention this was directed by the one, the only Michael Bay. Expecting something big and hopefully not too dumb on April 26th.

Prepare to get your "creature violence" (thanks MPAA) on in "Storage 24." Some friends get locked in a storage unit downtown London where the military's pet alien is able to terrify them/us in a close quarter space. This trailer gets to a point where it tries to emulate the amazing one for "Prometheus," flash cuts, sound design and all. And is that a face-hugger I spy? There looks to be nothing we haven't seen before and better and yet, this is not this week's Sick Cow... "Storage 24" is currently available on iTunes and will hit a theater or two on January 11th, 2013.

January is notorious for jettison pictures in the wake of "awards season" contenders. "The Baytown Outlaws" proves this trend is still strong. The first feature by Barry Battles (I'm guessing that's a "fame name") has Eva Longoria requesting the help of three redneck brothers to rescue her son from an abusive father played by Billy Bob (Thornton). It's loud, obnoxious, avoid-worthy and yet, this is not this week's Sick Cow. Stay home on January 11th.

Sing me a song Virginia, I reckon it's prime time for the Trailer Round-Up Awards!


What could be worse than what we've already seen this Herd? Sigh. Double sigh. Here we were... almost through 2012... I thought the worst trailers of the year were behind us (mainly "That's My Boy" comes to mind), but no... "A Haunted House" has a trailer. Think "Scary Movie" catered entirely to "Paranormal Activity;" now don't think because that's what you'll have to do to possibly enjoy this embarrassing excuse for entertainment. I approve of crude comedy when its clever and actually funny, but this is a dim-witted, shrill and cheap imitation of a surprisingly good series. How in the hell does this have such a positive reaction on YouTube? I'm positive I'm not "out of touch," but I'm not positive what to think about my fellow humans.


Even though it looks like it could have been made some 70 years ago "Tabu" is in fact a 2012 film. An older woman travels with a maid to Mount Tabu in Africa to find a man from an earlier chapter in her life. The black & white photography, aspect ratio changes, and oldies music all give this Portugese film a distinct flavor that I cannot imagine general audiences would want to touch with a 10-foot-pole. I'm pretty intrigued about it though. It hits NYC the day after Christmas, but not sure how/when the rest of us can see it.


Finally, a trailer and official release date for "To The Wonder," Terrence Malick's follow-up to "The Tree of Life"! On April 12th, 2013 we will see Ben Affleck, Olga Kurylenko, Rachel McAdams and (most encouraging) Javier Bardem in a story of lovers in small town Oklahoma who will likely question the meaning of that contemplated four-lettered-word (life or live?). It's beautiful, poetic, and yes, looks like B-roll from "The Tree of Life" as many have joked. Still, for Malick fans this looks to be an absolute marvel.

Updated 12/29/12

1 comment:

Tara said...

I hadn't seen that trailer of "The Host" before. Looks good. I hope I'm not disappointed...